Join us for the usual word games - this time about a city in Rhode Island, or maybe where things came from, or their chain of custody, or maybe the provider of all things - listen to find out.
We also delve into Noah's brand recommendations, including Two Good Yogurt. We'll share our thoughts on this unique product, discussing its ingredients and taste, its prolific use of stevia, and questionable recipe change tactics. When we're done, you'll know how to pronounce 'stevia' like a pro.
Credit: Stevia Pronunciation
On a more serious note, we'll delve into our personal experiences with self-compassion, forgiveness, and mercy. We'll explore how acknowledging our inherent human fallibility holds more weight than constantly seeking forgiveness.
Pondering about self-worth? We've got you covered. We'll share mindfulness and self-care practices that we've found essential in nurturing our self-worth. We'll share personal stories, techniques, and insights aimed at helping you shatter illusions and find self-compassion.
We'll delve into how self-compassion influences our behaviors and actions as we wrap up. We'll touch on the importance of being mindful and present and how these tools can enhance our ability to connect with ourselves and others. Stay tuned for an enlightening episode bound to leave you both entertained and introspective.
Join us for the usual word games - this time about a city in Rhode Island, or maybe where things came from, or their chain of custody, or maybe the provider of all things - listen to find out.
We also delve into Noah's brand recommendations, including Two Good Yogurt. We'll share our thoughts on this unique product, discussing its ingredients and taste, its prolific use of stevia, and questionable recipe change tactics. When we're done, you'll know how to pronounce 'stevia' like a pro.
Credit: Stevia Pronunciation
On a more serious note, we'll delve into our personal experiences with self-compassion, forgiveness, and mercy. We'll explore how acknowledging our inherent human fallibility holds more weight than constantly seeking forgiveness.
Pondering about self-worth? We've got you covered. We'll share mindfulness and self-care practices that we've found essential in nurturing our self-worth. We'll share personal stories, techniques, and insights aimed at helping you shatter illusions and find self-compassion.
We'll delve into how self-compassion influences our behaviors and actions as we wrap up. We'll touch on the importance of being mindful and present and how these tools can enhance our ability to connect with ourselves and others. Stay tuned for an enlightening episode bound to leave you both entertained and introspective.
We're recording a podcast Cool.
Jake Sebok:This coffee doesn't taste moldy.
Frank Sloan:to me it tastes less moldy this round this month this day I'm getting a lot of caramels and vanilla's.
Noah German:Has moldy coffee been a problem recently? Does this one taste moldy to you?
Jake Sebok:It's the same coffee?
Frank Sloan:I don't see any recent, please try it and tell me, because it'll encourage me to go get another cup if it's the ice.
Noah German:Yeah.
Frank Sloan:What if it's the ice? I thought it was the tube. Try it, though Damn it.
Speaker:I got a nice.
Jake Sebok:What I got? A nice chunk of the ice, just to. What about the flavors? That tastes like cold.
Noah German:Water.
Jake Sebok:No, just cold. It tastes like the flavor, cold. I didn't really get much flavor which I had just drank the same thing. So they have canceled out. I see, but there wasn't a heightened sense of mold.
Noah German:If you were to drink.
Frank Sloan:But there was a heightened sense of cold.
Jake Sebok:Yeah, because of the ice, I think.
Noah German:If you were to drink a Venezuelan beer in Curacao, would you put it over ice?
Frank Sloan:I'd never do any of this.
Noah German:Some things here today are suggesting that maybe you would.
Jake Sebok:I thought that beer was Amsterdam-ish.
Frank Sloan:I think you should drink iced coffee over ice.
Noah German:Yeah, the one he put over ice was yeah, I was taking it back.
Speaker:It wasn't a Venezuelan beer. He wouldn't put Venezuelan beer over ice.
Jake Sebok:He liked that. Just fine. They don't have hops in Venezuela, that true. I don't know Hops are political to be. They grow anywhere, anywhere. Come on man, let's not go there.
Noah German:I just don't think that there is a large market outside of certain countries for craft beer. Yeah, there's not much market in Latin America for craft beer, from what I understand talking to Alejandro and stuff so I don't think they do that sort of thing.
Jake Sebok:Yeah, I mean at one time there wasn't a market for many of the things that exist here.
Frank Sloan:I think it takes Boredom, just absolute cultural boredom.
Jake Sebok:Yeah, probably boredom and you have to have a certain hipster amount.
Noah German:Level of depression Like level of hipster.
Jake Sebok:I was going to go with this word that starts with A that I can't think of. Are those?
Frank Sloan:the same thing Depression, hipster amount and hipster amount, societal depression, I have no idea.
Jake Sebok:Yeah, I think innovation is either the child of necessity or luxury.
Frank Sloan:Based on Jake's attire, he should be able to tell us.
Noah German:I just told you he does look both depressed and hipster. It's true.
Jake Sebok:I'm just sleepy man. I need to drink more coffee Ding].
Frank Sloan:What do you think? Do not disturb means, in the context of that alert sound, I just kind of.
Jake Sebok:Did it ding to let you know that it's on do not disturb mode.
Speaker:Yeah, it just dinged.
Noah German:I'll tell you something interesting is last night I had my phone on Do Not Disturb and it vibrated like three times. There were no notifications when I looked at my phone, but it vibrated.
Frank Sloan:Apple if you're listening to this. There's a thing Apple does it sucks. It does suck at notifications. There's no way around it. They make it so that you can set your notifications to do things that don't tell you about them, and there's no like log of notifications to go view what happened so you can get your phone in a state where an app is set to vibrate without telling you anything else.
Noah German:I have no idea what vibrated Right and I've done. I put my phone on. Do Not Disturb a lot I don't ever have. This is the first time I've ever had this problem where it vibrated on Do Not Disturb and then when I went and looked at it, because I heard it vibrate like three times, I went and looked at it. No idea why they vibrated.
Frank Sloan:Yeah, you have sounds on for that app and no badges and no visual notifications.
Noah German:I don't have sounds on for anything that I know of.
Frank Sloan:All right, but when you're on, do Not Disturb. You have it set to vibrate and you may have one exception in your apps or something it's possible. It's terrible. If there's a bad thing they do. Notifications, yeah, and Apple Wallet I love Apple Wallet. It's terrible. It's a 10 out of 10.
Noah German:Apple, we need to talk.
Frank Sloan:This podcast is not sponsored by Apple.
Jake Sebok:They're waiting for you to get to a seven out of 10 so that they can bring you up.
Noah German:If we are ever sponsored by Apple, we either did something very right or very wrong. I don't know.
Frank Sloan:No only right, I think.
Noah German:I don't think Apple sponsors things. They don't.
Jake Sebok:You can get all your PlataCast products through Apple.
Noah German:Store. We're here to let all the people know about Apple that don't know about Apple.
Frank Sloan:And Target. Would you recommend Apple? Would I?
Noah German:recommend Target to my friends. Everyone knows about Target, I don't need to recommend you.
Frank Sloan:So during this week at some point I did think about the fact that you have recommended Target to me before.
Noah German:In what context?
Frank Sloan:Call of Flower rice and Too Good Yogurt.
Noah German:I think I recommended prices more than I recommended Target.
Frank Sloan:You were like I go to Target for this, it's the best price.
Noah German:I don't actually buy Too Good Yogurt, I buy Faye.
Frank Sloan:That is true, I'm sure, but that doesn't mean you never recommended it to me.
Jake Sebok:Regardless of recommending Target, you did recommend Too Good Yogurt. That's a product that you recommended, yeah.
Noah German:I don't know if that recommendation came from me, what I heard about that brand of yogurt. I don't care where the recommendation originated.
Jake Sebok:I don't need a chain of custody for your recommendation.
Frank Sloan:You recommended it to me. Okay, this is going well? There's no way, that's true, because I ate it in Delaware.
Jake Sebok:I need a pure provenance for this recommendation.
Frank Sloan:But you did recommend the pricing at Target for Too Good Yogurt to me.
Noah German:Compared to Schnokes. Yeah, for sure.
Jake Sebok:You guys know the difference between provenance and provenance.
Frank Sloan:We're about to.
Jake Sebok:Yeah, go ahead and look it up.
Frank Sloan:I was doing something different right now, but I forgot.
Jake Sebok:Not as important obviously Provenience relates to the original location that something began and provenance is the actual chain of change over time and all the locations where something has been Provence Provenance, not provenance provenance, all right, well, since I'm here.
Noah German:I'm looking at provenance.
Frank Sloan:Yeah.
Noah German:And it says another term for provenance.
Jake Sebok:That's wrong, I know. See, that's the misconception.
Frank Sloan:It's wrong. Provence is a principal administrative division of certain countries or empires.
Jake Sebok:Okay, and what's provenance?
Noah German:I'm sorry, but the definition says another term for provenance. It doesn't even give it its own definition.
Jake Sebok:You don't have to apologize, I'm saying. What you're reading is wrong. Provenance city in Rhode Island.
Frank Sloan:All right. God conceived as the power sustaining and guiding human destiny.
Noah German:Be, city in Rhode Island. Well, the use of the term really spiked around 1979. Providence Provenience, okay, and then just straight down here, like they used it for a year, wow.
Frank Sloan:Divine guidance or care, the quality or state of being provident. A city in Rhode Island, a nearby local church.
Jake Sebok:Okay, Provenience meaning the actual place or find spot of an object. Provenance refers to its modern post-excavation history. Wait, provenance. I asked you for provenance because, I thought it was fun. We went provenance provenance provenance provenance. In geology. Provenance refers to where the materials that comprise a sample originated, whereas provenance simply refers to where the sample was collected. It's interesting.
Frank Sloan:Yeah, I asked in AI the difference.
Frank Sloan:Yeah, it said. The words provenance, provenance, provenance, Provenience, yeah and provenance have distinct meanings. Here's a brief explanation of each. Nice Provenance refers to the protective power of God or nature. Provence it can mean a territorial division within a country or state. Provenience the term is less common, is often used in the context of archaeology and art history the origin or earliest known history of something. Provenance, similar to provenance, provenance, also refers to the origin of something or the earliest known history of something. It can also mean the record or chain of custody.
Jake Sebok:That sort of was started, this whole thing. I needed the provenance of this recommendation.
Frank Sloan:This recommendation's provenance was well documented, increasing its value, wow.
Jake Sebok:That's using it in a sentence. So it's originated. Its original find spot was in Delaware with Frank. It migrated to Noah and then Noah disseminated it to the world.
Frank Sloan:Right Because of his love for too good yogurt.
Jake Sebok:Yeah, he was the primary too good ambassador for a while, I agree.
Noah German:I remember a time that you were talking about all the moldy too good you threw away.
Frank Sloan:That's true. Me and half the internet did that. You don't add vanilla specs without saying anything about it.
Jake Sebok:Now with new specs.
Noah German:This tells you how long I haven't been using it. I never had that problem.
Jake Sebok:You're going to find spots in your yogurt today.
Frank Sloan:It's on purpose, it's there. Yeah, yeah, they're there, oh.
Jake Sebok:I know because you told me, jake, this is so moldy, I went that's vanilla yogurt. Are you sure that isn't vanilla bean crumbs? And you're like?
Frank Sloan:no way. Let me look this up. No one changes their recipe in a visually obvious way without mentioning it on the container. Yeah, except too good.
Noah German:Now with vanilla beans. It's all you really have to do From.
Frank Sloan:Madagascar.
Noah German:Yeah.
Frank Sloan:Now, with natural vanilla, you can say anything and people will be like, oh, something changed. Does it make it look gross?
Jake Sebok:Oh, it's on purpose. Got it, Got it. I don't think there's any mold in this mold Brew.
Noah German:I was waiting for the transition.
Jake Sebok:Oh, I just feel like we should have some compassion for too good. They're doing their best.
Frank Sloan:It's a fine yogurt. It's higher carb than I wish it was. I don't eat it that much anymore.
Jake Sebok:What differentiates too good yogurt from other yogurt? I never really knew.
Frank Sloan:The carbs.
Jake Sebok:So it has fewer carbs than every other yogurt, but it's still too many.
Frank Sloan:What's too many? If you really like yogurt I don't know, you just said it doesn't have too many you wish there were. No it has too many for me. Yeah, I don't really like yogurt and it doesn't have the. They're better foods. It's way too sweet. Yeah, I always mixed it half and half with plain, but it's like erythritol or something.
Jake Sebok:Right, stevia, stevia, okay.
Noah German:No, I thought I had erythritol. What?
Jake Sebok:I know, when I tried it it had this artificial sweetener flavor that I would not get behind.
Noah German:It's very sweet.
Jake Sebok:That's what always kept me away from it.
Frank Sloan:It's sweet, I always split it Too good yogurt does not contain erythritol. It has two grams of total sugar, zero grams of added sugar. It's derived from the stevia leaf. Interesting I thought it was erythritol. Ingredients include cultured grade A ultra filtered non-fat milk, cultured grade A reduced fat milk, water, natural flavors, active yogurt cultures and stevia, but no erythritol Nice.
Speaker:I think it's stevia.
Noah German:Stevia, it is in.
Jake Sebok:Spanish. Where does the stevia plant originate? I need its provenience.
Frank Sloan:Stevia is pronounced stevia according to pronounce namescom in the Cambridge English Dictionary.
Noah German:What do they know?
Frank Sloan:Stevia.
Jake Sebok:Wow Good. The Oxford English Dictionary actually has a fantastic origin story. What do you guys?
Speaker:think of stevia. We are looking at how to pronounce this name, the name of this plant that produces a sugar substitute. We'll be looking at how to say more names like this one. Many get confused by food names as well, Names of chemical compounds and beyond. So let's break down the pronunciation.
Jake Sebok:I would listen to this man read a book. I would love that.
Speaker:Stevia is how it's pronounced. So you have a ste sound, a V sound and an A sound or A sound. Stress on the first syllable, three syllables overall. Stress on the C Stevia. It's easy, stevia. And now you know.
Frank Sloan:There you go. That's from how to pronounce Stevia.
Jake Sebok:Yeah, but is that the plant or is that the brand?
Frank Sloan:There's no brand.
Jake Sebok:There is no brand okay.
Noah German:I'm afraid that the tuppies probably couldn't hear that.
Jake Sebok:It's okay.
Frank Sloan:All right, what's the topic? The role of self-compassion. Yeah, how do you want to introduce that topic, jake?
Jake Sebok:What do you think about self-compassion? Ha, ha, ha ha.
Noah German:Today we're talking about self-compassion. What do you guys think about self-compassion? I like it.
Jake Sebok:What we did recently is we created a list of topics.
Noah German:So we got one in the bank. Now, right, it's already published bro no, I'm talking about. We asked what do you think about it?
Frank Sloan:Oh, yeah, that one's done.
Noah German:We said I like it, we're out. Yeah, let's move on to the next one.
Jake Sebok:Oh right, I forgot about that. That's a great idea.
Frank Sloan:It's a great idea to do for inanimate objects. What do you think about table?
Jake Sebok:Depends on the table.
Frank Sloan:Yeah, I was gonna say which table this one.
Noah German:I don't like this table.
Jake Sebok:Yeah, I don't.
Frank Sloan:I also. I don't love this table Really. I would have epoxied that whole.
Jake Sebok:but I think that whole might exist for cables.
Frank Sloan:I know, but why wouldn't you epoxie most of it? Because that would look weird. No, it wouldn't.
Jake Sebok:The whole point is the live edge. The whole point is the live edge.
Noah German:You either fully epoxie or you don't epoxie.
Frank Sloan:But they didn't. That's not what they did here.
Jake Sebok:They did a partial epoxie. What is that?
Frank Sloan:Triple filter what?
Jake Sebok:What.
Noah German:I'm looking at the epoxie, partial epoxie, yeah, I mean, there's some epoxie and there's some no epoxie, no epoxie.
Jake Sebok:We recently compiled a list of potential topics that seem like they'd be great to talk about.
Frank Sloan:We sure did.
Jake Sebok:And then, independently, we ranked them according to our interest in them, and what the tuppies are getting right now is that last week's episode was the number one highest ranked topic of any ever. Was it, according to us three Was that pre-ranking?
Frank Sloan:I thought that was. It was an accident.
Noah German:I don't think that was ranked.
Jake Sebok:That was ranked. We went to Docs and talked about it. What was it Exactly? It was embracing uncertainty.
Frank Sloan:Oh yeah, that's what we called it.
Jake Sebok:No, that was the topic on.
Frank Sloan:Yeah, that's what we called it until we edited it and published it, because it was nothing like that, right.
Jake Sebok:This is a point I want the entire listener base to understand that this is the number two highest ranked topic according to Frank, jake and Noah. And it's coming at you hot, it's the seed of that's right, yeah. Which is a beautiful thing. You can never be certain where a conversation is going, can you no Uncertain?
Frank Sloan:Yeah. So the summary of this podcast you're about to listen to is explore the concept of self-compassion and its importance in self-care and resilience. Share strategies for practicing self-compassion in daily life. Now let's see how we do.
Jake Sebok:Yeah, that's great. Noah, go ahead. Ha, ha ha.
Noah German:Do you want to start with? My favorite part of this topic is that when we discussed it in our pre-pod meeting on Tuesday, all of us were very surprised that we all ranked it.
Jake Sebok:Well, I think the primary product of Tuesday's conversation was two out of three of us don't believe that self-compassion is a thing. It's certainly not a known term.
Noah German:Well, I think all of us, or most of us, were confused by the topic when we ranked it.
Jake Sebok:Ha ha ha. So here's what I think we should do. I find that when I re-listen to some of our episodes, it takes us about 20 minutes of talking about two or three different definitions of a word to realize that's what we're doing, and then we have to come back and say, oh, let's talk about that thing. So here's what I'd love to know Like rename our podcast defined.
Speaker:Yeah.
Noah German:And do something different than what we've been doing.
Jake Sebok:But here's what I really mean when I say what do you think of self-compassion? It's like when you hear the term self-compassion, frank, what does that evoke in your mind? What sorts of ideas?
Frank Sloan:I would like to answer that, but I would first like to take a detour completely. So can you remember the question so we can come back to it later?
Jake Sebok:Is the detour this has been an origin's episode. Ha ha ha. Yeah, we could absolutely come back.
Frank Sloan:No, that's not the detour. What was the detour, though? Oh?
Noah German:can you remember the detour?
Jake Sebok:We believe there's beauty in learning.
Frank Sloan:Yeah, and all kinds of other stuff too. So I think self-compassion is something we all value and do, but I think talking about it doesn't sound as good as trying to practice it.
Noah German:So you wanna talk about practicing self-compassion?
Frank Sloan:No, I'm saying there might be some trepidation to talk about it versus the idea of it being what our podcast is about. Oh, how do I practice it in my daily life? That seems a little more icky than that's a good topic everyone should know about.
Noah German:Oh yeah, maybe it's because we don't practice it as often as we should, right yeah?
Jake Sebok:Oh, okay.
Noah German:We tend to be harder on ourselves than we are in other people. Typically, yeah, do you?
Jake Sebok:agree. No, this makes no sense to me, but I love it Like so you wanna talk about self-compassion.
Noah German:Yeah, I think it's great. I thought I was the one that didn't care about other people. I don't have compassion on others at all.
Jake Sebok:This is all, I'm all about this one. I just, I don't know, it's blank, like I don't. Actually I can't relate to what you're talking about right now. It doesn't feel icky. There's no strangeness, there's no confusion.
Noah German:I just I think I understand what you're saying. I agree. It doesn't feel that icky to me. I think it does. I hate that. I just said icky. You both said icky and so I said it.
Jake Sebok:Yeah, and you keep on saying it. Now I've said it three times. I really like to use the word icky. I started because I'm a parent.
Frank Sloan:And.
Jake Sebok:I think I've indoctrinated you guys. It's really icky to use it?
Noah German:Yeah, but anyway, I think the average person does not like talking about self-care topics.
Jake Sebok:Oh really.
Noah German:Publicly, because, well, I think for lots of reasons, but I think a lot of people do a poor job of self-care.
Frank Sloan:It's a vulnerable area.
Noah German:It feels very exposed to talk about it. Even if you do things to take care of yourself, sometimes talking about the things that you do seems very vulnerable. Okay, so I think that's where he's coming from, not necessarily that the topic itself is icky.
Jake Sebok:I got you Definitely that.
Frank Sloan:Yeah, I voted for it to be high. I wanted to talk about it. There does feel like there's trepidation when it comes to the actual talk about your own practices and self-caching.
Noah German:I think us three maybe feel less vulnerable in talking about it than most people, but I think he's talking about the general public.
Jake Sebok:I've said before, the more work that I do on myself, the more that I project that progress or healing or whatever it is, onto the world around me. And that really is the difficulty, is just remembering. Like not everybody is in that place. All right, pre-detour what was your question? I'd love to get some sort of working definition or understanding of what we all think of when we think of self-compassion.
Frank Sloan:Can I go last?
Jake Sebok:Are you looking up a definition, because I'm really looking for what comes up in your mind when you hear this term and in that way I feel like maybe it's best for you to go first.
Frank Sloan:Hang on and I'll go first.
Speaker:Okay.
Frank Sloan:You don't think we should use a definition? That's real.
Jake Sebok:I think we could do both. Yeah, but I think that everybody has a different idea of what self-compassion means.
Speaker:Hmm.
Noah German:Is there a difference here between self-compassion and self-care?
Jake Sebok:Well, I would love to hear that. What do you, noah? What do you think of when you think of self-compassion? Maybe it's close to self-care.
Noah German:I think there's similar concepts in theory. Obviously, the words mean different things compassion and care, mm-hmm, but I think when you're talking about caring for yourself, I think they're very similar. I think you have to have compassion for yourself to care for yourself.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Frank Sloan:And maybe you need to care for yourself, to have compassion on yourself as well, yeah, I think they're the opposite order of what you first said, but I think self-care comes from having self-compassion, or yeah, that's what I think.
Noah German:Yeah, that's what I said originally, okay, yeah, while I do think they're different things, I think they do go hand in hand when you're talking about yourself and maybe in other contexts as well. But, yeah, I think of taking care of myself, giving myself what I need as far as relaxation, recovery, I think.
Noah German:When I think of compassion specifically, I think of going easy on myself when I've made an error or when I've done something that I didn't like, or if I'm feeling overwhelmed or whatever, having compassion, understanding that I have a lot to deal with, that I have responsibilities, that life isn't easy.
Jake Sebok:Yes, these things. So that's what I think of when I think of self-compassion. It's very, almost synonymous with this idea of forgiveness and empathy, like the more that I just observe this, jake, and all of the environmental variables and all of the expressions and everything that's going on and just saying, hey, man, you made a mistake and that's okay. Yeah, we're gonna learn and we're gonna move on.
Noah German:I don't think it has to be specific to making a mistake.
Jake Sebok:I agree.
Noah German:I think it can just be realizing that you need rest, Sure, that you do a lot of things, that you take care of a lot of things, that you have lots of responsibilities, that you need to rest and recover and that it's okay to give yourself whatever. It might be that you need One of the things I do for myself. I take a lot of Epsom baths and there's multiple reasons for that. It is number one you. I'm in a relationship, but it's a long distance relationship.
Noah German:I don't get a lot of human touch and research shows that you release more oxytocin in a warm bath because it feels it sort of mimics touch, in a way like you're surrounded by warmth. So that's, that's something that I need. That I don't get regularly because I'm not. If Amy was here, we would hug and cuddle and stuff and I would have even just hold hands, any human touch, but I don't get a lot of human touch. So, trying to give my myself that Epsom baths help with electrolyte replenishment, they just help with overall relaxation I tend to meditate while I'm in there.
Noah German:So it gives me a. I mean I turn my phone on, do not disturb, there's nothing unless it's vibrating. There's nothing that can bother me. I will just have a time of meditation and relaxation, and these things are important too. It's that is an acknowledgement that I have stress in my life, that I'm dealing with work and relationship and whatever else is happening in my life, and that I can and deserve to have a moment where I step away and shut down.
Jake Sebok:Yeah, Yep, yeah, it's just this acknowledging, like because it is so much easier to extend compassion to everyone around you, in my experience anyway. Hey, you're. You've been going burning the candle at both ends here. You need to take it easy, it's all right, but it's so difficult. There seems to be this almost implicit belief but I'm Superman, but I can handle it all but, I can go forever without needing anything.
Frank Sloan:Yeah, I didn't feel comfortable saying a definition, because the one that was coming to mind I knew was lacking elements. That's what was happening, why I looked it up.
Jake Sebok:So is what we're saying. Does that align with the definition that you found? Yeah, most?
Frank Sloan:yeah, pretty much. This isn't a definition, by the way. It's an aggregation of a lot of available information through large language models. It's more like a working, real definition from a lot of data. It's not like what you find in Merian Webster.
Jake Sebok:Well, yeah understood. What. There is a school of thought when it comes to what the job of a lexicographer is that questions whether a definition should be prescriptive or descriptive, and you're actually drawing that distinction right now. It is not the intention of the dictionary to prescribe how a word should be used, but rather the reason that those definitions are updated every 10 to 20 years is because the way that word is used changes in popular culture, so it's intended to describe the way it's used, which is exactly what you're saying here.
Frank Sloan:So you're saying that we should update it?
Jake Sebok:I'm saying that what you're about to share is realistically the intention behind what the dictionary is. Though most people believe the dictionary is supposed to be prescriptive, it's actually trying to be descriptive. It just the format of a book makes it difficult to do that.
Frank Sloan:The internet makes it a lot easier. Yeah, it just makes reference to like five other pages that combined the information, but it does track with what I think of, which the most obvious example of is how I handle carbohydrates. I don't eat them usually. They're not a huge part of my diet anymore. I don't know what if I'm stressed or things aren't going well in another area. And I really want to. I do because it's okay, and it's especially okay if it's rare.
Jake Sebok:I really liked the post you did last night and it talked about here's how I accomplished my goals, and one of them was like eat foods that are off plan sometimes, but make it rare. I thought that was this really great self compassion, acknowledging reality, definitely.
Frank Sloan:Yeah, and acknowledging reality and like the humanness of everything is a big part of it. But I'll read the actual thing. That's from smarter people than me now. Self compassion, as defined in psychology, is the act of extending compassion to oneself in times of perceived inadequacy, failure or general suffering. It's composed of three main elements self kindness, common humanity and mindfulness. Self compassion involves being warm and understanding towards oneself, recognizing that suffering and personal failure are part of the shared human experience, and taking a balanced approach to negative emotions. It is different from self pity and is associated with greater psychological health, including life satisfaction, happiness and emotional resilience. In essence, self compassion means being kind and understanding the oneself when confronted with personal failings, rather than being self critical or judgmental.
Speaker:Yeah.
Frank Sloan:That's what I was going to say, but some parts of it weren't there, so I had to look it up.
Jake Sebok:Yeah, it's interesting. I feel like it really hit most of the points that we got at Started by saying, yeah, if you make a mistake, tell yourself it's okay, and then no, it's not just that. I think it's interesting to note, though, that it talks about personal failings, and I think that when we try to burn that candle at both ends, it's a perceived personal failing, because there is some sort of implicit belief that I should be able to just go forever and that be sustainable. Yeah, that's why it falls into that class.
Noah German:Think of that distinction between forgiveness and mercy that you were talking about. Pete Holmes mentioned, I think it was, from the guy from Homeboy Industries, father Greg Boyle, was that his name? I think so Peter Boyle, is it Peter Boyle? Maybe it doesn't matter, homeboy Industries Anyway, but this distinction between forgiving someone or having mercy on someone and mercy being acknowledgement that we are all broken, essentially that we're all the same I think this works in this self-compassion context as well. It's the instead of forgiving yourself, you're saying I am just human, definitely You're having mercy on yourself. You're saying you are going to make mistakes. It's okay to make mistakes, everyone makes mistakes, or it doesn't have to be about mistakes. You're tired, you're human being. Everybody gets tired, everyone's exhausted, everyone gets worn out, everyone gets overwhelmed. It's this sort of self-mercy aspect in all things, rather than just the forgiveness.
Frank Sloan:Yeah, for me it's definitely not forgiveness. I don't know why, but I have a specific neural pathway that forgiveness is at the end of and before it is shame, and this doesn't. It's not in there. When I'm being self-compassionate, I don't feel shame, I don't feel a need for forgiveness. I did feel inadequate maybe in some way, or I'm suffering or I failed, but I just. A part of this is that's okay, that it doesn't need special forgiveness, that it doesn't need a shame cycle.
Jake Sebok:One of the things that that's really interesting, super interesting. I love that. One of the things that came out of some personal journaling I was doing when I was in the cabin was almost what you're talking about. It was this distinction between a retroactive sort of forgiveness. I think that forgiveness has this innate quality of retroactivity. Something happened and we're atoning or we're making it right later on.
Frank Sloan:Yeah, I think of it in relationship where there is another ego involved that does feel like you did something wrong. If I say, hey, that wasn't okay, then you say well, you forgive me. I say yes, then we restore our relationship, but it doesn't feel like it belongs in.
Noah German:It's interesting that you mentioned shame. I've heard Brené Brown talk about this in the work that her company does. One of the things they draw this distinction for the people that they work with between shame and guilt Shame being I am bad, guilt being I did something bad. And those things get melded together for many people because they're told from a young age that they are bad.
Noah German:Or they're hearing I am bad, when you're told you did something bad. So these things get melded together, especially in religious contexts. We've had that conversation before. But it doesn't have to be just anything that, for instance, your parents tell you did wrong. If you hear it as you are bad, as opposed to you did something bad, and you learned this over many years Now as an adult, when you make an error, it is way heavier than just oh, I made a mistake.
Jake Sebok:Yeah, it's an identity crisis. It is so deeply associated with who you believe yourself to be. But that's where I was going with this idea of forgiveness. It doesn't matter what something is in and of itself, it matters the way that we perceive it right. Shame and guilt are two different things, based on how you're perceiving the same behavior and where forgiveness feels like this retroactive thing grace grace, probably more than mercy, is what I was dealing with in this journal entry.
Noah German:Grace is probably the word I meant right, Not mercy. Yeah, and I think I meant grace. Thank you.
Jake Sebok:It's an interesting thing, and I'm again drawing this attention toward the way that we perceive it, because mercy again feels retroactive and when I think of grace, I think of it in terms of like this Mountain that is, whatever shape it is, and some of the rocks are going to fall off at times and more uplifting is going to change it, and it creates this sort of Impression against the backdrop that is dark and the light is behind it and as soon as, at the exact same moment that a boulder falls down and that's shape of the silhouette changes, the light is already.
Jake Sebok:It's equal and opposite, inverse, and it's like everything is already atoned for, everything is all ready, what it needs to be. And If we think in terms of like, how do I show self-compassion? It's to say, hey, what you did Wasn't even wrong, it doesn't even need forgiveness, it's just what is, it's already Okay. Yeah, and that's why I loved what you said. It's like it doesn't need forgiveness, there is no need for shame, it's just okay. So maybe that's a way that I show myself compassion is to say you're okay, just the way you are for sure.
Frank Sloan:Yeah, yeah, I mean it's not that like eating off plan is good. It's not the best, but it is okay. Yeah, it's not a thing that you should feel shame about.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Frank Sloan:I don't think, but.
Jake Sebok:Yeah, it's this weird thing. I've noticed this thing in in the cultures that I participate in gym culture, being one of them, a CrossFit gym and Certain things like oh you really need to exercise this many times per week. Oh you really need to eat these foods and not eat these foods. Oh you really should do all this. This word should keeps coming in and it's like okay, if performance is the metric by which I judge all success, then you're exactly right, I should do all those things, and if I don't, I'm failing to meet that metric optimally.
Speaker:Yeah.
Jake Sebok:But that's a question that I can ask myself Is this thing that I'm measuring myself against actually the marker for success?
Frank Sloan:Right, yeah, and I mean, sometimes the things are optimal, but they're not possible. Like you shouldn't continue to go to your workouts if you're injured, yeah, and do them anyways. That is an optimal at all and it's okay, it's the best, even yes oh yes, absolutely.
Jake Sebok:Yeah, I mean I do. I feel like all these things fall into that definition of like. Okay, if the story I'm telling myself says that I'm not enough or I'm failing, what are the problems with my story? What story is realistic and says Actually accounts for all of reality? For sure, when I can Resituate myself in that story, that's when I can rest. Yeah, I could be healthy.
Frank Sloan:Yeah, I think we should talk about how we came to having a story and caring about self-compassion on some level, because it wasn't direct for me. It really came through mindfulness, mm-hmm, noticing other people's story and then applying this framework to myself. It wasn't like ever a direct Discovery for me.
Noah German:Yeah.
Frank Sloan:Yeah, I love that. Yeah, I mean, that's that was it. I was like over the last 15 years or something, I Went from I don't really care about other people's story to I do care about their story. And now I noticed their suffering and I noticed how difficult it is to be them and Then I was like, wait, is it difficult to be me? Too sure is, what should I do about that? Yeah, maybe I should love myself.
Noah German:I think that tracks, but I'm gonna say it In a different way.
Noah German:I do think it's the same thing, but it's gonna feel like from a completely different direction, I think we're all, which is for me, it was Realizing that I can want things, and so that's a been a big thing over the last five, six, seven years. For me is like I think for a long time I was on autopilot, which is Me simply just doing the things that I think I needed to do. So I have to work a job to support myself, I have to pay bills, I have to whatever. And there was a moment where I was like, oh, I can actually Want to go do what I want to do, mm-hmm, and it's not always easy, but there is a.
Noah German:For me, there was a massive distinction and I'm much happier Thinking about the things that I want and chasing the things that I want, then Feeling like I'm just doing what I'm supposed to do. But this also comes from Seeing other people go after wait, that person is doing something they really love to do, or that person is doing something that they really feel passionate about, or Something they want to explore, or whatever it might be, and Then really turning that inward and going how do I do that and what do I even want? I'm still trying to figure out Everything that I want, but I'm way more in tune with it now than I was ten years ago. I Couldn't have told you what I wanted ten years ago.
Frank Sloan:Yeah, I yeah, like I have always cared about other people. That's why I became a paramedic. But I it was from a different narrative completely than it is today.
Frank Sloan:Mm-hmm and the original, original narrative, so to speak, is that you are not valuable except as a utility player, mm-hmm. And so go out there and help the people who are suffering. Who are valuable, yeah. And then I sort of noticed along the way that it doesn't matter how many 911 calls you go to, the people Often get themselves in situations that are emergencies. And I'm like what's going on with these people? And so through Watching that, I'm like, oh, I sort of see that there are a lot of emergencies I can't help with because they're not inflicted by it trauma or a thing that happened today, but they've been going on for many years or whatever. And then I'm like what's it like to be a person? Yeah, and it all tracks back to how does that person take care of themselves? And then how should I, should my person, should I be more than a utility player?
Noah German:Oh, I am yeah, I relate to that a lot. Yeah, for sure, mine was not and become a paramedic to help people, but I've always felt like I'm doing things for others. I'm putting other people's needs in front of my own.
Speaker:Yeah.
Noah German:And so the thing for me that switched was oh, I can take care of myself. I don't have to take care of others to take care of myself, I can just take care of myself.
Frank Sloan:Yeah, and I'm still developing that. To be honest, I'm more self-compassionate than I've ever been in my life, but I wouldn't say it's default state yet.
Jake Sebok:Oh, For sure. I think that all these stories are very similar, and I mean mine aligns with that as well. I think that I was in a deeply sort of deluded state about what I was accomplishing with my intentions. My intentions were pure I wanted to love the people around me, and there was this belief that to love you had to be selfless, and that selflessness meant literally never. I was never acknowledging that you are a self that has desires, that has needs, that has struggles.
Jake Sebok:Yeah, and it really took External intervention of the person I was trying to love the most. Basically, telling me what you are doing is hurting me. It feels like you're lying straight to my face when you tell me that you love me. Maybe you should look into whether or not you actually are.
Jake Sebok:Yeah, and it really was like cracking that facade, and this very rigid structure Just shattered, and, and it was through this Vehicle of mindfulness that I started looking at myself almost as this other entity, and what's that thing that we started talking about, which was to say oh, I'm looking at myself and I'm seeing that I, too, am a person. What's really cool, though, because these stories do all align so well, and I'm sure that we're not the only ones who have them is that when you start to show that compassion to yourself, the narrative that you've been having, whether you knew it or not, for your entire life starts to shift, and when you start to love yourself in that way, that internal narrative starts to become external and you actually are then able to extend that compassion outward to a greater degree definitely, yep.
Frank Sloan:The meaning of things underpins what you do. I have many memories of People who were having a psychotic break or who just used drugs again After years of sobriety, or all these people in the ambulance that they let something mean, something that's not true, like they lost their job. So they did coke because they thought the world would end, because they lost their job.
Jake Sebok:You know, they think the world one because they did coke.
Frank Sloan:Yeah, yeah. Well, they know that their world ends because their wife said if you do coke again, I'm taking the kids and you will not have a family anymore. And I like she said that and I believe her it's been 12 years or whatever. I remember that guy and I remembered a lot of those type of stories and that's sort of what made me want mindfulness so bad. I'm just like if you just wrote a little More pause before your decisions, if you could just think about what it means and.
Frank Sloan:So through that, like it was really, it started for other people because again, I'd believed I was a utility player. I'm like, maybe I can help other people with mindfulness so they won't make these choices. And then eventually I'm like, oh yeah, I'm a person as well. Yeah, I could probably benefit from this as an individual.
Jake Sebok:So I've heard it described as your mind is the only thing that's ever, that's always going to be with you, so you might as well be friended, I think is the way that you've described it a lot for it. Sam Harris say similar things, but I also think that there's this element of of trusting yourself, there's this element of watching myself on the exterior doing impossible things and Watching myself make commitments and stick to them is so very essential, because if I can't trust myself to follow through on those things, I can't trust literally anything. I will Never know what the next day holds Because I don't know that I can trust myself to stick to it. And that, to me, is like the justification for pushing myself further into mindfulness and caring is to know that I can trust myself.
Noah German:Yeah, I've brought this up on a different podcast, I'm pretty sure. But to me, this is just a self-worth conversation. We're having a self-worth conversation, but I think that's what all of these conversations are ultimately is. I hear Frank saying I Didn't think I deserved to do these things myself. I just said I didn't think I deserved to go after the things I wanted. You're saying the same thing I didn't think I existed. Right, really, I think self-worth is very close to. If there's a purpose for us being here, I think it's to acknowledge and come into our own self-worth.
Jake Sebok:Mm-hmm. Yeah, I, I agree, and it's the greatest adventure that a person could undertake is to get to know themselves and what's under the surface. I said this last week. I truly believe that one of. I think there's probably many, but if there's a person who's like, how do I even shatter that illusion? It's probably there, but where do I start?
Jake Sebok:For me, the greatest question was what is the worst thing a person can be? What is the most disgusting thing that a person can do and Like? How do you find that I'm serious? How do you find that? You find that by saying what frustrates me.
Jake Sebok:This is a very present and close Sort of reaction that you can have. And when you start to realize that, put some words to it and then find it within yourself. Is there a way that I do this? If the answer is no, figure out how you're lying to yourself and like this is just a series of questions. And as you follow this breadcrumb trail of questions, you sort of start to remove the layers of illusion and when you finally find the thing within yourself that you hated in other people, find a way to love it and Find a way to show yourself this compassion, and when you do that, that self-narrative starts to change and then your external things start to change, and it really is this sort of alchemy that this starts to occur. That was a path for me. I think there are many, but that's one of them.
Speaker:Yeah.
Frank Sloan:Yeah, I would just get quiet enough that you can notice what you're thinking patterns are. That seems Like how it was for me anyways, but just starting to notice what's happening in there, before I was 28 years old I probably had the thought like you don't deserve to be in a relationship more than a million times. I never knew about it, I'd never noticed it once right, and I've had thought ever now very rarely, if I do, I catch it pretty quick, but If you can't tell what's happening in your mind then it's pretty hopeless to change it.
Jake Sebok:Just focusing on it Seems like it helps to yeah it's a sort of idea that, like I don't know if this is even helpful, there's this question in my mind does the one tusked albino elephant know that it only has one tusk and it's not the same color as the other ones? Or is it just being an elephant? And my point behind this is like there's no such thing as normal. There's only your experience of what it is to be a human. You wouldn't know what those things are because it's always been your experience. It's like trying to chew your own teeth or lick your own tongue. What happens when you start to look at yourself and say what are you taking for granted about what it is to be you? Yeah, not everybody's like this. So what's a?
Frank Sloan:little bit different.
Jake Sebok:And why is that there? Yeah, for sure, and there's. I have a billion examples.
Frank Sloan:I could literally go on for the rest of my life explaining the things that I have noticed and stopped doing, but One that started long ago, like in church, was I would often be there to set things up For events and then not be there for the event because I didn't believe I should be or I thought I was a utility player or whatever. And I've helped people set up for parties and then later they're like, hey, where were you for the party? And I was like, oh, I just thought you wanted my help setting up. And they're like, what are you talking about Now? I just started to think about Now I just stick around. You know, that aligns closely with my experience as well.
Jake Sebok:That's interesting. Noah, would you say that this episode was about self-compassion? Yeah, I mean, I think we did alright, tuppies what do you think?
Noah German:Did we stick to the plan this?
Jake Sebok:has been an episode of the one-tust Albino elephant podcast yeah, thanks for listening everyone.
Frank Sloan:Thanks guys.